The Late Hours

So here I am at the late hours of the evening lost in my very own space of time and memory. I do not know why I cannot sleep and why my mind is insisting on drudging up the color of somebody's eyes, but it is so here we are. I'm sure that there are billions of others out there that are awake just like me. But perhaps instead crying because of these painful memories. Maybe doing other things that bring harm and hatred to the body instead of the love you crave. You're the most beautiful in these moments because this is when you're the most honest with yourself and the world. There are no secrets at 3 AM, just truth. The heartbreaking, soul wrenching truth. And I'm quite sad to think of 3 AM that way but I do. 

But whoever you may be tonight or any other night. Please stop what you do to yourself. You are worth it my dear. So much more worth it than you could possibly imagine. And believe me, 

It gets better. I am a recovered deppresionist and suicidal person. It got better for me and I guarantee you that it gets better for you too. 

Suicide is a permanent solution for a temporary problem. 

And everyone is too beautiful to die. 

Except murderers and other assorted bad people. You mofos are going to hell. <3

~Beast~ 

To This Day Project - Shane Koyczan

Powerful

Proud To Love

Who are you proud to love?

#ProudToLove

Butterflies~

Butterflies don't ever know the colors of their wings,
But human eyes can see how truly beautiful it is.
Point is,
You don't know good you are but others can see that you are special.

You Are Special To Me.

Even though I may never know you, may never get to shake your hand, or give you hugs, hold you while you cry, trace over your precious scars, or give you butterfly kisses. You are so very special to us and we know you can get through this. I'm here for you.

I don't care
If you hate your teeth
Or the way your voice sounds.
I don't care if you hate
You hair
And your smile
Your laugh
And the fact that you feel sad.
I don't care if you don't
Like where you're headed
Or if you want to die.
I will love you.
And take care of you.
I will kiss you
And give you my love.
I will tell you you're
Wonderful (cuz you are)
And I will make you feel it.
Love me,
And you will be loved back
Until you love yourself.
And I don't care if it'll take
Forever~
For that to happen.

~Beast~
You're beautiful.

Just Read It~I Have No Title.

It's amazing how truly the human mind can be.
Often times I wonder, "Why do I have emotion?"
"Why can't I just feel numb?"
"Why do we feel pain?"
~
Especially the last one. It's mind boggling just how painful pain can be. And even though to some, that makes no sense, but for those of you that are going through it right now, you know what I mean.
And even the emotions that people would think are warm and welcoming can become the most deceiving... Trust me, I know this. I know this way too well...
But what i'm really trying to get to is that life hurts... And i'm sorry but sometimes there just isn't anything you can do about it. Pain is inevitable. Sad as it is, that's the truth...
I remember the day I fell in love with Charlie. Crystal clear.. And I also remember when he ripped my heart out of my chest and threw it away. And I always wondered, "Why?"
And then I realized,
That in order to be happy, you need a little faith, a small push in the right direction, and most importantly, you have to be willing to get better.
If the spirit does not wished to be healed, then no true healing can be done unto the spirit.
~Stay Strong<3~
~Beast.

To The Brokenhearted

I can't say I know how it feels to be dumped, to be in love, or to even be in a relationship. I've never been in love. However, I do know how it feels to be betrayed, and left, and hurt by someone you love. And god does it hurt. I was betrayed and left by my parents. Two years ago, my dad took a knife and stabbed my mother in front of me. He had gone for me first but my mom protected me. My brother was stabbed three times and almost died. I was twelve. My mom died that night. Five months later, my dad was found dead. I was betrayed by my own father and lost the only two people I fully trusted. In comes self-harm. Of course, I already hurt myself in subtler ways- choking, picking, hitting, pulling my hair... I'd never cut myself before though. But I do now, and I don't know if I can stop. I had terrible trust issues and paranoia before, now it's increased a hundred fold. And I hurt, I hurt so so bad.
So, I know what it's like to be left, hurt, betrayed, brokenhearted. But, I also know that there comes a point when you have to move on. It doesn't have to be all at once. Take little steps. The other day I finally sold some of the clothes I kept purely for sentimental value. It took me over two years. Baby steps. I know that I will never fully get over it, but I can get stronger and move on. The same with those of you in relationships. I know you may have believed or actually were absolutely, completely in love. But maybe, just maybe, they weren't the right one for you. I hope that maybe someday you can move on and continue living your life, maybe finding new love. It's never too late. You don't have to get over them right away, but take baby steps. Convince yourself that you can get through this. Maybe your profile still has something they wrote on it, like saying that you'd be with them forever. Take a picture of it, then delete it from your profile. Take a picture for the memories, but delete it to prove to yourself that it's over and that you can move on. Sometimes there's no point in holding onto stuff like that, it'll only hurt you more every time you look at it.
I can't promise that you'll stop hurting, or that it'll get better any time soon, but it WILL get better. Maybe it'll take a few weeks, maybe a few years. Hold on to the memories, but don't live in the past. It will only bring you down. You are strong enough to move on and you can have a brighter future. Maybe you'll meet someone you can love even more. You'll never know if you don't allow your heart to move on. I hope things get better for all of you soon.
A Little Bit Stronger
  ^  Listen to this song, even if you don't like the genre... Listen to the words.

I Know

I do, I really do know how it feels. I know what it's like to avoid the mirror at all costs. I've told those lies. "I'm just not hungry." "I just don't feel well." "I'm just tired." "It was just the cat." "I fell." "No, their words don't hurt." "I'M FINE."
But I'm not fine. I cut myself. I've made myself throw up before. I've skipped meals. I've attempted suicide. I let my thoughts consume until my mind is in a dark and cloudy haze of depression. I hate looking in the mirror. I hate looking at pictures. I hate that people are fooled by my smiles. I hate it so much. I hate faking it. I hate pretending to be someone I'm not. I hate that I always have to wear long sleeves and jackets. I hate that I'm too insecure to wear shorts. I hate it. I hate myself.
I also know that I shouldn't take it out on myself. I shouldn't make myself throw up or skip meals. I know that I am beautiful in my own way. But, after years of insecurity, it's hard for me to believe it. Do me a favor, don't make that first cut and don't skip that meal. After a while it becomes like second nature. It becomes addicting. It becomes nearly impossible to quit. And it HURTS, it hurts so bad. I can tell you that YOU, whoever is reading this, are beautiful or handsome. Yes, guys can be insecure too. Guys can be cutters, anorexic, depressed, bulimic, insecure... But I want you to know, guy or girl, that if you're beautiful on the inside, that outshines all of the flaws you think you have.

If any part of your body looks like this:

I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL. YOU ARE A FIGHTER. EVEN IF YOU DON'T HAVE SCARS, I AM SO PROUD OF YOU FOR MAKING IT THIS FAR. I BELIEVE IN EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU. I BELIEVE THAT YOU HAVE THE STRENGTH TO SURVIVE AND MAKE IT OUT ON TOP. YOU HAVE SO MUCH POTENTIAL. I BELIEVE THAT YOU CAN WIN. PROVE TO EVERYONE WHO BRINGS YOU DOWN THAT YOU WON'T BE BROKEN THAT YOU'RE SO MUCH BETTER THAN THEM, BECAUSE YOU ARE. I BELIEVE IN YOU!